


jamais vu

by r4m3nlvr



Series: the jokenverse [5]
Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anniversary, Domestic, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Surprises, Writer!Josh, surferboy!ken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27775081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r4m3nlvr/pseuds/r4m3nlvr
Summary: The writer and surfer boy escape to another unknown paradise, retracing the steps they took when they found each other, and finding a new destination at the end of the journey.Or the writer and surfer boy vacation chapter(s) as a gift for @official_joken admins and jokers in general. <3
Relationships: Joken, Josh Cullen Santos/Felip Jhon Suson | Ken
Series: the jokenverse [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794040
Comments: 12
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reference to ‘scars and the sea’ and ‘barely ashore, drifting at sea’ fics.
> 
> chapter contains: heavy narrations; fluff; romance; surfing; mediocre + unproofed writing

“How is it?”

“It’s only day one.”

“I know, but how is it?”

“I still haven’t gone swimming, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Well, it’s _not_. I’m asking if you’re enjoying yourself over there.”

“I don’t know Jun… It’s a beach. What do you expect?”

“Uh, maybe you having fun and being all lovey-dovey— _Wait_. Why do I feel like we’ve had this conversation before?”

Josh chuckled, putting his book down on the small table beside his sun lounge.

It was still early in the day, but the sun was beaming down from the sky with its scorching rays. The heat did not only tickle Josh’s skin; it licked against his long-sleeved top like it wanted to gnaw at his flesh. His huge outdoor umbrella under the canopy of beach-side trees could not even shield him from the rays.

Josh lowered his sunglasses to stare at the sky, a serene color of baby blue striped with thin wisps of white clouds. He wished the fluffs had more substance in them, that way they would give him additional shade. But no. The sky was awfully clear, and it reflected the cerulean ocean below that was blue and green as far as it could reach into the horizon. The water glistened under the sun’s unabashed rays, tempting, beckoning Josh to dip and dive in.

Yes, it was too hot and too bright for such an early day. For some reason, none of the surfers and the early-morning divers seemed to mind.

“I do think we’ve had this conversation before,” Josh told Jun. “Some time ago… I think I hung up on you right after?”

“Har, har,” Jun told him off. “Seriously, though… Since you’re on vacation, please loosen up and enjoy yourself?”

“Geez, when will you stop treating me like I’m such a bore?”

“Well, you _are_ a bore, Josh Cullen,” Jun said. “I mean, what kind of person hates the sun and the beach?”

Josh paused for a moment. Unable to think of a witty comeback, he just said, “Point taken.”

Jun was right. Josh had never been an outdoor person. If there were a term to describe him, he would be a hermit by volition. Josh hated the sun. He hated the open sea even more. He hated the blistering heat, the humidity, and the heaviness of the air. He hated the breeze that stuck to his hair and his skin, overwhelming his senses with saltiness so strong he could almost taste it.

He hated all those things with conviction. By all accounts, he would be the last person to be sitting on a sun lounge by the bay, sipping iced coffee under the shade at seven in the morning.

“I hope you’re not dragging Ken down by being all mopey and boring?” Jun said. As he did, Josh could hear a secondary voice snickering on the other line. Stell was laughing.

“I’m not!” Josh grunted. “I’m being… supportive.”

“Oh, yeah? How is your surfer boy?”

“Well, you know. _Surfing_. He woke up at _exactly_ five-thirty so he could wax his new board and drag me to the beach.”

Jun bellowed out a laugh. “Uh-oh… You didn’t get cranky, did you?”

“I did. He woke me up at a shitty hour…” Josh said, slurping away at his cold drink. “But then he got me iced coffee…”

Jun laughed again. “Wow, he is getting about as good as me in handling you!”

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” Josh said. He was complaining but he knew there was a fondness in his voice he did not bother to hide. “Sometimes, it scares me how he can control my mood so easily.”

Josh stared at the sea again, at the tide that stretched as tall as a grown man before crashing back into the ocean. The surface of the water rumbled and foamed, like it was disintegrating while the waves whipped against it with fury. It was a beautiful sight. Scary, but wondrous. And yet not even Mother Nature and all her wonders could tear Josh’s gaze from the man who held his full attention.

Ken appeared right above one spectacular wave, catching the swell and riding his surfboard with a beautiful focus on his face. Surfer boy stood, proud and commanding. He glided on the surface of the water like a demigod of the sea. Josh could almost imagine he was the one controlling the waves.

A year. They had been together only a year. It was a year of waking up to the brightest smile Josh had ever seen and sleeping to the strong scent of brine. It had also been a year of being held, of being overwhelmed by love that was as burning and hot as the sun itself. Ken, by his very nature, was the sun and the sea which Josh hates. But Ken, like the sun and the sea, was also the warmth and brightness Josh did not know he needed.

Ken had been marvelous. Josh had a million words in his vocabulary, but he did not think even an entire novel could begin to describe who Ken was to him. Surfer boy was loving, kind, and patient, yet passionate, playful, and driven. He had an innocence and air-headedness that contrasted his aloof and distant façade. And while Josh feared he would grow tired after they began living together, it was not quite the case when every day was a new chapter of the book they were writing together.

It did not hurt that Ken was painfully handsome. As Josh watched him emerge from the water, walking with swag back to shore, Ken looked like a dream even from afar. The way he carried himself with nonchalant charm, the way the sun made the water off his skin sparkle, the way his hair clumped to one side, the way he unconsciously puffed up his tanned chest… every little detail was a work of art. A rare masterpiece made only for one boring and lonely writer.

Josh wondered how in the world he had missed Ken when they first met. If he were not mistaken, Ken was surfer boy number _three_ ; only the third among two other gorgeous surfers Josh had ogled in the past. Back then, perhaps Ken had not struck him so much in terms of looks. But now, Josh could almost ignore the rest of the half-naked surfers and hunks as he zeroed in on his surfer boy walking with a smile back to him.

“Hey, bud. I’m really happy for you,” came Jun’s voice. It cut-off the memories from their morning playing in his head.

“Uh… Yeah, thanks,” he replied, distracted by the heat creeping up to his cheeks.

“Aren’t you glad I forced you to go on that trip a few years ago?”

Josh chuckled a little. “Well… Yes. _Very_.”

“And… are you happy right now?”

Josh licked his dry lips as he paused.

“Yeah… A little nervous, but yeah.”

“Nervous why?”

“Well… I’m ecstatic… and that makes me worry about bad things lurking around the corner, you know?”

“Oh, you and your pessimistic brain!” Jun cried. Josh could almost imagine him stomping his feet in frustration. “Nothing bad is going to happen, alright? So just enjoy the moment, please? For Ken?”

“Yeah. For Ken. Yeah, I will.”

“Now, enough sappy talk. Stell just finished cooking breakfast. I’ll call you later?”

“Yeah, talk to you later, Jun.”

Josh put his phone away, placing it on top of the light novel he had been reading. Jun was probably right. It was pointless to worry about things that might not even happen. If there was one thing Josh learned in therapy, it was that most of his catastrophic thoughts rarely ever turned to reality. He should not stop them from ruining his present.

And even if they did, Josh guessed he would be alright. He had people now. Josh had friends. He had Jun and Stell… and he had his own personal sun, his sanity, his surfer boy.

“Hi…”

The familiar deep voice made Josh snicker. He turned from his phone and novel to the one who greeted him. A man stood in front of Josh’s sun lounge, hair and body soaked, board shorts dripping with water, surfboard tucked under one arm. Ken gave Josh his trademark wonky-toothed grin.

“Hi,” Josh replied. He grabbed the towel that they hung on the sun lounge to hand it to his lover.

Ken did not take it, though. Instead, he said with a playful smirk, “What’s your name?”

Curious, Josh gave him a suspicious look. “Uh, what?”

“My name is Ken…”

“Okay…?”

“What’s your name?”

Josh paused, cringing for a second. Then, he replied, “Josh.”

“Are you alone?”

“Uhm…” Josh hummed, playing along. “Uh, no… I’m with company.”

“Oh…” Ken’s face turned into one of disappointment. He looked like a puppy who had his treats taken away and Josh wanted to pinch his cheeks.

“Did you need something, _stranger_?”

“Uhm… I was actually wondering if you wanted to hang out.”

“That wouldn’t be a good idea." Josh smirked. "I have a lover, you see.”

Ken’s eyes brightened. “Is… Is your boyfriend nice?”

Josh let out a laugh. He nodded, making Ken smile.

“Does he… uhm… treat you well?”

“Like no other,” he replied.

“Does he… Is he handsome?”

Josh grinned at him. “About as handsome as you?”

Ken blushed adorably. “Really?”

“Felip Jhon Suson,” Josh said with an impatient but loving tone, “is this how you’re going to fish for compliments from now on?”

Ken gave him a pout.

“You’re no fun.”

“Well, I’m sorry if I’m boring,” Josh chuckled. “Are you done surfing?”

Ken nodded. He took a seat next to Josh on the lounge.

“For now,” he replied. “The waves here are awesome! Did you see that big one that almost made me topple over?! That was so cool!”

Josh just gave him a smile, draping the towel over his head and starting to dry off his hair.

“Yeah, I saw that. It looks like you had fun.”

“I did!” Ken told him, smiling so brightly Josh winced behind his sunglasses. _Who turned up the lights_? “Thanks for coming here with me, Josh.”

Josh just smiled at him and went back to drying his hair. Meanwhile, Ken sat very still, staring at him.

“You’ve gotten quiet.”

“We’re in public,” Ken said, frowning.

“Well, yes. Yes, we are.” Josh gave him a look. “So?”

“Wanna kiss…” he pouted.

Josh laughed, throwing his head back. Then, he pinched Ken’s cheek, earning him a pained yelp.

“You little idiot… Later,” he said. Josh dusted off his board shorts, took off the button-down shirt he wore over his top, and handed it to Ken. “Didn’t you say you had the whole day planned for us?”

“M’kay…” Ken replied, drying himself off and wearing his shirt.

Josh had only walked a few steps when Ken called out to him.

“Josh!”

“What?” he said, turning back around.

Ken gave him a fond grin and raised his hand. In it, he held up a phone and a light blue book. “You forgot your stuff again…”

Josh chuckled.

He strode back to Ken and grabbed his things. Their fingers brushed just at the tip, unseen from the other guests near the shore, and he said, “What would I do without you?”

* * *

In hindsight, Josh should have taken more vacations. He had been so caught up with his writing and his emotional turmoil for the past few years that spending an entire day island hopping, trying not to drown, and playing by the shore was taxing to both his body and mind. Many times, he had asked himself why he was outdoors instead of their warm and cozy bed, reading a book. In each of those times, he would look at his surfer boy’s ecstatic expression, and he would tell himself to endure it. Because though the outdoors were not Josh’s favorite, Ken’s smile was.

And Josh did endure it. He would be lying if he said he did not enjoy parts of it, either. Sure, panicking even with a life vest and almost drowning was not fun, but snorkeling and watching the bountiful marine life was not so bad. It was peaceful, beautiful. Ken also seemed to enjoy Josh clinging to him every time they were in the water.

No, their first day was not too horrible at all. Especially when Josh found himself walking along the quiet shore later that evening, listening to the waves kiss the shore under the pale yellow moonlight. The sound of the water’s push and pull was gentle but prominent, drowning out the cacophony of noise and music in the background.

It was not too quiet, but it was serene. Josh found himself getting lost just listening to the waves and walking side-by-side with Ken. Their hands were not quite touching but brushing ever so slightly as they strolled—almost as if their fingers were kissing with every little touch.

“ _Atishoo_!”

“ _Ack_! Are you okay?” Ken immediately turned to him with a worried expression. “Josh, are you cold?”

Josh sniffed. His train of thought derailed when he sneezed, and it brought him back to the beachside where they walked, the sand cool and soft beneath his supple feet. He shivered, feeling the cold go up his spine. Even in his long-sleeved shirt, the night breeze pierced like tiny needles at his skin.

“I’m fine,” he replied. “It’s just a little chilly.”

Ken moved with practiced ease and pulled Josh close to his chest, surrounding him with the strong scent of the sea. With the gentleness he had always had, Ken rubbed his hand up and down Josh’s arm.

“Wow, you really get cold easily…”

“ _Owowowowow_!” Josh cried. “Ken, that stings!”

“Eh? How?” Ken let Josh’s arm go but kept a warm hand on his back.

“I dunno… Sunburn? I think I spent too much time under the sun.”

“But you wore a rashguard. And lots of sunscreen. _I_ spent all day in the sun and I’m not sunburned…”

Josh pouted at him. “Well, not everyone’s skin makes love with the sun like yours, okay?” he said. “Some people burn like a vampire— _even_ when covered up.”

“Hehe,” Ken said, fighting back a smile. “You still look cute, though…”

“Oh, shut up!” Josh wrapped his arms around himself. His shirt was too thin for the cold wind, so he pressed closer to Ken’s warm body for heat.

“Do you need a jacket or something?” Ken asked him.

Josh looked around their spot. A rave party was going on some hundred feet behind them, the noise being the very thing Josh wanted to get away from. Guests who were not currently focused on dancing the night away were huddled on the sand near the party where the bonfire raged and provided heat. Ken and Josh were the only ones who withdrew from the party, from the crowd, and from the alcohol-hazed eyes of the other guests.

“No, that’s okay,” Josh said. When he pressed his back to Ken’s chest, surfer boy wrapped both arms around Josh’s shoulders before either of them knew what they were doing.

“Uhm… Is it okay even though we’re outside?” Ken asked.

“It’s fine,” he assured. “You’re warm.”

Ken chuckled then hugged him tighter.

Josh found a cheerfulness with the way Ken held him. It was the same feeling Josh found in him every time he asked Ken of anything. At first, Josh thought it was Ken’s naïveté. It was only later he realized that his surfer boy liked to do things for him. Whether it was getting Josh a cup of coffee or giving him a back massage, Ken showed his affection with those small acts of love.

In the past, the writer would have scoffed cynically at the thought of the little things giving him satisfaction. But now, Josh found comfort in the butterflies that fluttered in his stomach. It felt nice. Not being looked after, per se, but of being cherished. Of being looked at as if he were the most precious treasure in the world.

The writer knew the look well. After all, Josh sees it in himself every day whenever he thinks about Ken.

“Josh, your face feels cold,” surfer boy suddenly said, his lips touching Josh’s cheek.

“Oh… Yeah… It’s the breeze,” Josh replied.

“Hm… Can you turn your head this way?”

Josh chuckled. “Why?”

“I’ll warm you up,” surfer boy replied in a playful tone.

This time, Josh sniggered. “This reminds me of that time… We were at a bonfire party, too. And you forced a kiss on me.”

“ _Whaaaat_?” Ken drawled. “Didn’t you kiss me back, though…?”

“That was in the heat of the moment…! And alcohol.”

“Hehe. Sure, sure.” Surfer boy nuzzled his cheek against Josh’s. “I’m just glad you don’t refuse me anymore. I’m glad I can do a~ll the things I wanna do for you.”

Josh melted into Ken’s chest. It had always been _for Josh_. Ken looking for opportunities in Manila, becoming a model, and staying with Josh—even their vacation was something Ken had planned for Josh. And Josh was grateful for everything, he just wished there was a way to tip the scales a bit. He wanted to give Ken something, too. Something extra, especially since they were on a vacation.

As Josh thought about it in his head, an involuntary snicker escaped his lips.

“You’re laughing by yourself,” Ken noted.

“So, it would seem,” Josh replied, biting back his smile. “And?”

“When you laugh by yourself, you’re either thinking of something for your story or you’re thinking about something funny that I did…”

“Is that so?”

“Yup…”

“You think you have me figured out, hm?”

“Not really? Maybe?” Ken took his hands back and rubbed Josh’s arms again, gentler this time. “But I know that you’re shaking. C’mon, let’s go back to the cottage.”

“Alright,” Josh said.

He turned and began to walk ahead, but Ken stopped him midway and grabbed his wrist. “ _Waaait_.”

“What?”

Even in the dark, Josh could see Ken’s signature wonky-toothed grin. He mirrored that smile, feeling his cheeks rise before he could stop himself.

Ken leaned in, still smiling, and stopped just as their lips were about to touch. As he paused, his eyes implored Josh’s. Rich brown irises that glowed from the distant firelight mesmerized Josh as he stared into them.

“If I kiss you right now, will you punch me?”

Josh chuckled, the small breath he let out fanning Ken’s face.

“Come here and find out,” he challenged.

But Josh himself pulled Ken and kissed him.

**[part 1 of 3]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be a four-part mini-series but i decided to shorten it into two and a half chapters for the sake of a faster pace (and so i can move on with my other works-in-progress). anywhoo, writer and surfer boy’s vacation chapters. some jokers gave me a prompt a looooooong time ago, and since i had to write a vacation chap anyway, here you go!
> 
> what it is about, you will have to find out in the next chapter. but for now, please enjoy my small, teeny tiny gift. happy jokers day (belated)!


	2. Chapter Two

Ken’s favorite things to wake up to in the morning were: Josh’s scent in the sheets, Josh’s warmth in his arms, and Josh’s sleeping face next to his. It was one of those pleasures Ken would never get tired of being thankful for. It was one of the few things he was afraid to lose. And although Ken woke up to all of these more times that he did not, sometimes he still panics whenever he wakes up to an empty bed.

When Ken woke up early the next day, he felt his heart stop for a moment. There was no Josh next to him on the mattress. In a brief moment of panic, Ken sat up and looked around the blackness of the room.

He found Josh looking out the glass of the French doors. It was still a little dark outside, the orange and peaches of sunrise only just peeking through the fading purple night sky. His writer’s silhouette against the early morning stood out with the crisp lines and curves of his body. The image was beautiful no matter how many times surfer boy sees it. And it would have looked even more stunning if it were not so sad.

As Josh held out his hand to touch the glass, Ken wondered what he was thinking about. Could Josh be reminiscing about the last time he was near the sea? When he was somehow thrown into Ken’s life to put it in order? Was he thinking about the memories of how their lives became tangled with each other’s?

Josh turned his hand over. He looked at his arm for a bit before running his delicate fingers over the thin white lines that told stories of his youth. Then, Ken knew he was thinking much further into the past.

_The future_ , Ken thought. Ken wanted Josh to look forward to the future. Surfer boy had always felt the past still had its clingy grip on Josh’s wrists; time and again, Ken wanted to replace those bad memories with good ones. He wanted them both to look forward to the future. He hoped Josh would be able to smile and dream about the days to come as he did, and that his writer would think about a future where they would still be together.

It only took Ken three seconds to get up from the bed and quietly stand behind Josh. A second more, Ken was caressing Josh’s scars with his thumbs while his nose found the curve of Josh’s shoulder to breathe in his musk.

Ken became distracted with the feeling of Josh’s smooth skin against his lips. Before he noticed, he was already planting lazy kisses along the writer’s shoulder.

“Ken…”

“Hm…?”

“Weren’t you going to surf early today?”

“Oh… Was I?”

“You said you were.”

“I did?”

Josh chuckled. He tilted his head to the side, allowing Ken more access to pale, smooth skin under his nightshirt. “Yes, you did. On the plane, in the van, last night at dinner. You said you wanted to begin everyday surfing.”

“O-Oh…” Ken nuzzled his head when Josh reached back to touch his hair. “Can I change my mind?”

“Haha, and what would you rather do?”

Ken turned Josh to face him. Even after a year of staring at the writer’s baby-faced but handsome features, Ken could not believe he was real. Josh’s lips split into a contented smile when their eyes met. Ken found no trace of melancholy in it, and it brought him a strange comfort. Josh’s eyes looked so much more alive than when they first met, and Ken wanted nothing more than to keep it that way.

“Good morning,” Josh greeted, smiling Ken’s favorite smile. He did not notice, but he smiled, too.

Ken dragged Josh back to the bed. Then, when they were in a comfortable cuddle, he said, “Good night.”

“Wait, what about surfing?”

“I’ll go later,” Ken replied. “Maybe before sunset. Right now… wanna sleep.”

“Hm… Doesn’t this defeat the purpose of a vacation? You should be doing the things you want to do.”

Surfer boy just hugged him tighter. “But this _is_ what I wanna do. Just hang out with you. Every day.”

Josh did not reply. Instead, he made himself smaller to fit into the alcoves of Ken’s body.

What a year it had been for surfer boy. Someone once told him about the saying, ‘Time flies when you’re having fun.’ Ken believed it, but never fully understood what it meant until Josh. Before, Ken had no ambition. He had no plans. He thought he would just live and work at the resort doing odd jobs for a living. He only knew how to take life one slow day at a time and thought that was the best way to do it. Had he not met his writer, Ken would probably still be doing that.

But as the days zoomed past him as easily as his fingers stroked Josh’s silky hair, Ken realized how far he had gotten. Working, learning, growing, and then going home to Josh and his horrible cooking, every day was a new experience.

Josh, his impatient, moody, but beloved writer, showed Ken a better way to live. He taught him to dream bigger, live louder, aim higher. Josh showed him how far his hands could reach further if he tried. And Josh believed in him. When no one else saw potential in an uneducated surfer boy, Josh told Ken he was something more. Because Josh believed in him, Ken also believed in himself.

Now, Ken had a steady career he wanted to develop. He also had more ambitions and plans than he has ever had in his short lifetime. And even though Ken was no longer a child, he found solace in the hand he knew could hold anytime. Before he knew it, Josh became a huge part of what would be Ken’s everything.

It had already been a year. Ken could not help but think what the next few years had in store for them. Maybe an International Bestseller for his writer. Maybe a major Fashion Show for Ken. Maybe they would just be cuddling on the couch while surfer boy explained anime to his writer. Whatever the future holds, Ken had made up his mind that it would be ‘theirs’.

Should he tell Josh about his thoughts? Would they scare him how far ahead Ken was thinking about?

Ken glanced at Josh snuggled comfortably on his chest. Josh was already asleep. His lips were moving without a sound as if he were mumbling secrets under his breath. Every now and then, Josh would twitch and nuzzle his head on Ken’s shirt, but he did not wake up.

_Cutie_.

_Maybe next time_ , Ken thought. He would tell Josh next time. He would get his chance. At the moment, he wanted to make the most of his present—and that meant going back to sleep smelling Josh in his sheets, feeling Josh in his arms, and seeing Josh’s face when he wakes up again.

* * *

Rain. No matter how many times Ken encounters it, he still does not like how it halts everything in its torrents.

It was already sunset. Ken and the new friends he made while surfing were having a great time catching the swells some distance from the shore. The sky had been downcast for the better part of the day, the sun hiding behind thick tufts of light gray clouds. At past five in the afternoon, rain poured like a raging waterfall, catching them by surprise. Visibility became too poor and the water too cold, so they had to retreat for shelter.

As Ken trudged back to their cottage, not bothering to shield himself from the rain, he felt somewhat disappointed. They had some perfectly fine waves going for them. Had it not rained, they would have continued for an hour more. Ken let out his frustration and kicked the wet sand on his feet.

There was a little consolation for Ken getting back early, though. He would be able to spend more time with Josh. He could already imagine the writer bundled up in the sheets, watching the rain or reading the books Ken gave him. Just thinking about it made Ken pick up his pace in getting back to their cottage.

Ken had only run a short distance when he caught sight of his writer running towards their cottage, cradling something in his hands.

“Josh?!” Ken called out loud over the rain.

Josh paused, surprised when he saw Ken approach.

“Ken—where’s your shirt?”

“Didn’t bring one…”

“What the heck? Come on, let’s get you inside. You’ll get cold.”

“Me? What about you? What are you doing out here?”

“I was—” Ken pulled Josh closer, hiding them under the surfboard and shielding him from the rain. “I was buying something from the restaurant.”

“What something?” They continued to make a slower walk back to their cottage. “What do you have in your hands?”

“Erm…” Josh looked a little pale from the cold, but the blush on his cheeks was prominent. “L-Let’s get inside first. I’ll explain in a bit.”

They made the rest of the way to their cottage together, Ken’s surfboard acting like a makeshift umbrella. Not that it helped much. The downpour was angry and relentless as it gushed from the sky in thick, icy drops. Both of them were already drenched and shivering.

Ken huddled close to Josh, sharing their warmth until they reached the door. He left his surfboard outside the cottage to dry before following Josh to the warm interior.

A robe and a towel were already waiting for them on the small table at the entryway. Josh wasted no time setting his purchase down on the table and grabbing the robe and towel to dry them. He draped the robe around Ken’s shoulders before wrapping the fluffy white towel around himself.

Meanwhile, surfer boy cocked his head to peek behind him. He got curious about the item Josh set down. Even without the lights, he could see that it was a bottle of wine.

“You bought wine?”

“Erm… Yeah…”

“Oh, what for?”

Josh chuckled briefly before fixing the collar on Ken’s bathrobe. Blushing, he said, “It was supposed to be a surprise, but I guess I got caught red-handed.”

Ken’s ears perked. “A surprise?”

“Come inside. I’ll show you.” Josh smiled.

Josh wrapped his hand around Ken’s to lead him around the corner.

Ken could only blink in surprise. He was stunned and a little confused. Josh had a surprise for him? The writer had always been hesitant to show his affections. Ken could count with the fingers of one hand the times Josh gave a surprise gift of any sort. It was less about his capability and more about his shyness. Josh found it hard to be cheesy and dignified at the same time, so he would just take Ken out shopping often.

But a surprise… Ken guessed he could not complain. Not when Josh had child-like energy as he led Ken along.

“Come on…”

Board shorts wet, legs sandy, but warm and fuzzy all over, Ken let Josh drag him into their room. It was a short walk, taking them only a few steps to complete. When they emerged around the corner, they entered the bedroom which was lit in a dim ginger glow.

Ken felt his smile stretch when he saw what was there. Josh set up the small coffee table next to the French doors. He pulled back the windows and from there, they had a clear view of the beach side, blurry behind the thick backdrop of rain. A simple dinner was set up on the table: food Josh ordered, two fancy dishes, silverware, napkins, and an ice bucket to the side. Two candles were lit in the middle of the table which served as their only source of light.

Even in the dark, Ken could see the excitement Josh held back beneath his smile.

The writer looked up at Ken with a bashful expression and said, “So…? What do you think?”

“What’s this for?” came Ken’s curious question. He turned to Josh with a surprised expression, not entirely grasping the situation. “What’s… going on?”

Josh just shrugged at him. He let go of Ken’s hand and approached the table, placing the wine bottle beside the ice bucket.

“I know we don’t celebrate these occasions, but… I wanted to surprise you, for a change,” Josh said while giving Ken a shy smile. “A belated anniversary celebration…?”

“Belated… anniversary?”

“Yeah… I’m not entirely sure _when_ we should celebrate it, but… I guess now is as good a time as any, right?” Josh approached him again, snaking both hands around Ken’s waist. He leaned up to surfer boy with a bit-back smile and said, “It’s ruined, but… happy anniversary?”

Then, Josh kissed him.

Ken lost his words the moment their lips touched. Josh erased all the curious questions in his head as he suckled along Ken’s lower lip, letting surfer boy taste a little bit of mint. The tiny flicker of warmth from Ken’s chest exploded all over his body, covering him with heat from the tips of his ears down to his toes.

Ken wound his arms around Josh’s neck to pull him closer, kiss him back deeper, and make him realize that it was not a dream. Rather, it felt like a distant memory; so familiar, yet so unfamiliar at the same time.

A laughter bubbled from Ken’s chest. It escaped his lips and broke their kiss.

“What’s so funny?” Josh asked, looking at him with a humored expression.

“I just remembered,” he began, “that it was raining back then, too.”

“Back then?”

“When I… when I told you I liked you the first time. Remember?”

Josh blushed. Ken raised his wrists to his face. Then, without breaking the searing gaze they held, Ken kissed the scars again, his eyes closed, as if all he wanted to do was revel in feeling the lines against the lips Josh had warmed.

The writer let out a breath.

“And then you taught me…” Ken pulled Josh’s arms to wrap them around his neck, “… how to love you right.”

“Wow… That was a whole new level of _cheesy_ right there.”

Ken grinned. “And I’ll _still_ be cheesy. Even after, like… a hundred anniversaries.”

“Geez, Ken… A hundred anniversaries?”

“Yup… A hundred million.”

“I won’t live that long, you know?”

“But still. I hope that we stay together for a long time. I hope you’ll still like me next year, and the year after that, and even after,” Ken told him. “Until I’m wrinkly and old. I hope you’ll still like me.”

“And what about you? You go on and on about how handsome I am. Will you like me when I’m not handsome anymore?”

Ken nodded his head with certainty. “I’ll like you even if I go blind. There’s a lot more that I like about you besides your looks. _Way_ more!”

“Is that so?”

“Yup! Nothing will change my mind. So, no matter what happens, if we ever find new jobs, or new friends. Even though some people say couples change after they get, like, married, I’ll definitely still like you. _Promise_.”

Josh gaped.

“I like you that much!”

“Wait, sorry. Hold on…” Josh dropped his arms to clamp both hands on Ken’s shoulders. “You said… ‘ _married’_.”

“Oh…” Ken blinked at him. “Yeah, I did.”

“You…” Josh leaned back a little to look at Ken properly. “You’re thinking about marriage?”

“Uh… Well… Yeah…” Ken answered. All of a sudden, he felt a little unsure. “I mean, I know you said before it’s different between guys. And it’s gonna be hard for us to get married here. Plus, there’s money to save up for it, too. But… Yeah, I’ve… I’ve been thinking about it lately.”

“Isn’t it a bit… early?”

Ken wrinkled his nose. “I don’t think I’ll change my mind even in the future…?”

“Wait, I’m… Ken…”

“Is it a bad idea? Us getting married.”

“Ken… do you know what you’re saying?”

“Hey, there you go again…” he pouted. “You have a bad habit of doubting what I do and don’t know.”

“It’s not that,” Josh pressed. “It’s just… I didn’t know you were thinking about that.”

Ken shrugged. “I think about _a lot_ of things I don’t tell you. Because I know you’ll be stressed out.”

“What? I _do not_! Okay, maybe sometimes. But this… This is _marriage_.”

“Well… I know I’m not… smart or anything. And I’m a little clueless, too,” Ken began with a small smile, “But being with you, I’m sure of it. I’ve been sure for a very long time.”

Josh blinked at him. There was a dumbfounded expression on his face like he could not believe what he was hearing. “So, you want… to marry me?”

“If I say, ‘yes’, _will_ you marry me?” Ken gave him a warm smile, putting their foreheads together. When Josh did not give him an answer, he asked again, “Will you?”

Whenever Josh found nothing to reply to Ken’s sweet words, he would always respond with a kiss. He was still a little bad with words when they were about their love. So, when Josh kissed Ken instead of responding, surfer boy was no longer surprised. He just welcomed the way Josh held his face in his hands and kissed him slow, almost as if he were the waves kissing the shore.

When Josh broke away, his eyes had a hidden hysteria behind them.

Ken asked, “Was that a ‘yes’?”

“You’re unfair… _So unfair_.”

“So, that _was_ a yes?”

“That was a ‘let’s talk about it’… _At length_ …” Josh punched Ken’s shoulder. “But… Yes… Yes, I’ll marry you—Oh, geez…! I can’t believe I just said that…”

Ken chuckled but hugged him for a little while. Josh was probably right. Maybe it was a little too early to plan marriage, but at least Ken could be happy knowing Josh was not completely against it.

As they continued to hug in silence, listening only to the heavy downpour of rain, surfer boy were already imagining the day he would be able to introduce Josh as his husband.

“You’ve gone quiet again… What are you thinking about?” Josh asked, mumbling.

Ken smiled, his lips brushing the crown of Josh’s head.

“Rings…”

“Rings?”

“Yeah…” he replied. “I should probably buy rings or something.”

“Oh… You don’t have to. Not anytime soon. I mean…” Josh looked at him with a horrified expression. “I mean, you know how I am. I might end up losing it if you give it to me this early…”

“But if I do, you’ll wear it?”

Ken could feel Josh flexing his fingers. “It’ll be a little hard to write in it…”

“Let’s get you a ring that you won’t even feel that it’s there…” Ken said, smiling. “I want mine with a huge rock on it.”

Josh just chuckled. “Of course, you do…”

“Of course, I do…” Ken parroted. “I love you, Josh…”

Again, the writer did not reply. He just pulled Ken in for another kiss… which led to another, and another, until Josh removed Ken’s robe and led him to their bed.

Their dinner lay forgotten, and Ken thought that was fine. They would have more chances to have romantic dinners in the future. But not just dinners. Vacations, travels, and lazy days on a thunderstorm, too. In the future— _their future_ —there would be nothing but the two of them doing things together.

As Ken began to peel away the last of Josh’s restrictions, he wondered if even in that future, he will still have the unyielding desire of his writer. Perhaps, in the future, when they are both much older, the passion of their love will not burn so intensely. It might change, take a different form, be a different color, or sound like a different song. But would it be okay, he wondered, if he would still want Josh all the time? Want him panting underneath, whispering his name, guiding Ken to all the places that make him come undone?

Ken hoped so. He really, _really_ hoped so. He anticipated it—all the sorts of love he and Josh could still make.

Under a tangled mess of sheets, only those thoughts filled Ken’s head. They danced in each other’s passion and insatiable want throughout the night. And then, tomorrow.

**[part 2 of 3]**


	3. Chapter Three

Josh blinked, staring at Ken’s face. He blinked again.

_What a handsome young man_ , he thought. _What an exceptionally kind human being._ Why in the world someone like Ken would want to marry a depressive and boring man, Josh did not know. But he did. Despite everything and everyone that was against the very thing they called ‘their love’, Ken wanted to marry Josh.

It was laughable.

It was sweet.

_What a brave young man_ , Josh mused, tracing the lines on Ken’s sleeping face with his fingers. _Braver than I will ever be, my surfer boy_.

Josh’s gaze lingered at the digits he ghosted over surfer boy’s face. He straightened them, turned his hand over, then looked at them again.

_I wish I were brave like you_.

_I want to be brave like you_.

Slowly, Josh removed the arm Ken had over him. He slipped out from underneath his surfer boy and the sheets. One by one, he picked clothes from their luggage and dressed himself. Then, he took out a pen and paper, writing a quick note, before leaving it by Ken’s phone on the bedside drawer.

“I love you…” the writer whispered as he kissed Ken’s forehead.

Then, without looking back, Josh left their cottage.

* * *

Ken’s favorite things to wake up to in the morning were: Josh’s scent in the sheets, Josh’s warmth in his arms, and Josh’s sleeping face next to his. But it was strange, he thought. After the initial surprise to finding an empty bed, Ken was not alarmed. Instead, Ken felt a curiosity at the back of his mind as it lazily woke from slumber.

As surfer boy got up from the bed that still smelled faintly of sex and sweat, several questions crossed his sleepy mind. Where was Josh? What was he doing? How much longer until they were together again?

Ken turned to the drawer to his left. He was about to reach for his phone when he found a folded piece of paper laid. The letters ‘ _K-E-N_ ’ were written on the flap.

_Some things never change_ , he thought. Not that he minded.

Ken smiled.

> _Dear surfer boy,_
> 
> _I_ _f you are reading this, do not panic! I did not run away this time. In fact, I woke up and saw your face, and I decided to never run from you again. I find that it is too late to disentangle myself from this life with you. Should I say it is entirely your fault? Maybe. But why would I want to leave the very warmth and brightness that showed me how to live in the first place?_
> 
> _No. If you accept me, I will be yours. I will be yours every single day. So, please, stay with me._
> 
> _At this moment, I am looking for a solution. I might take a while. If I am not back yet by eleven, meet me at the restaurant. I will see you there._
> 
> _Always yours,_
> 
> _The writer, JCS_
> 
> _P.S., I would have texted you, but notes are more of our thing, right?_
> 
> _P.P.S., I love you._

Ken grinned.

There was no reason to fear at all.

Not anymore.

* * *

At eleven fifteen, Ken made his way to the restaurant. It was lunch time, and a lot of people came to eat either in pairs or in groups. The weather was bright and sunny; it was as if it did not pour heavily the night before. Everyone in the restaurant let out boisterous chatter as they ate their meals with loved ones.

Yet, no matter how happy the people were or how beautiful the morning was, they faded into the background. All of Ken’s attention was fixed on a figure sitting at the secluded corner, his back to everyone else. Josh sat like a statue in one of the tables, his black hair getting tossed in the gentle wind from the sea.

“Hi…” Ken said as soon as he got close. “Sorry, I’m a little late.”

“Oh, hi…” Josh said, smiling a little.

“Where’ve you been?”

The writer sighed deeply. “Remember when I said I don’t want a ring that I might lose?”

“Yeah?”

“After walking around a bit, I think I found a solution.”

“What do you mean?”

Josh gave Ken a bright and proud smile. Then, he held out his left hand. Ken blinked curiously at it until he found the bandage wrapped around Josh’s ring finger.

“A bandage?”

“No, dummy,” Josh said. He gently peeled off the cloth to reveal a thick black line curving underneath. Josh’s tattoo imitated the waves of the sea as it looped around the thick of his digit. “This… I _cannot_ possibly lose this ring. Without cutting off my finger, that is.”

“Josh…” came Ken’s surprised response.

“Just don’t make me regret this, please?” Josh whined with a slouch on his back. “It was painful. And this is as permanent as my scars, so… it’ll be _extremely_ cumbersome to hide—!”

Before Josh could finish, Ken was already leaning over the table, cupping Josh’s face in his hands, and kissing him senseless.

Josh got a tattoo. Of waves. On his left ring finger.

Josh got a permanent mark. On himself. That reminded him of Ken.

_I love you. I love you. Josh, I love you_.

Those were the thoughts running in a frenzy around Ken’s head as he practically sucked the air out of his writer’s lungs. To anyone else, the tattoo would just be ink on Josh’s skin. But to Ken, it was different. It was special. It was a mark he had long wanted to give his writer— _his_ mark. A mark that would not easily fade with time.

Really, how much happier would Josh make him? He already felt lucky that of all the people the writer could have had, Josh chose him.

Josh pulled away despite Ken’s tight grip.

“ _Oh, my gosh, Ken_! _We’re in public_!” Josh said in a high-pitched whisper. His face was red as he peeled away from Ken’s kiss, not expecting surfer boy’s reaction.

“I don’t care… I’m just… I love you,” Ken said and kissed him again and again. “I love you, I love you, I love—!”

“I got it— _sheesh_!” Josh pulled him in a hug. “I love you, too, so calm down!”

“You do?”

“ _I do_ …”

Ken smiled, fighting the urge to cry. “Why does that sound better than, ‘I love you’?”

Josh broke the hug and cupped Ken’s face in his hands. Then, with his eyes as gentle and warm as the feeling in Ken’s belly, he said, “Because I’ll only say it once… And then, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you… _you big baby_.”

“Hehe. So, that’s why…”

“But that’s in the future, okay? For now… I love you, Ken.”

Ken let himself cry a little.

“I love you, too,” he replied. “I do.”

****

**[part 3 of 3]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, basically, this was the request i got about surferboyXwriter engagement/proposal. no, it’s not a formal proposal. but with the way these two are, i don’t think a proposal would come the way we expected it. however, because of writer’s tendency to overthink everything, marriage would take a while. he needs to get used to surfer boy and being someone’s beloved a little bit more.
> 
> still, i hope you liked it. i can be peaceful with these two for now. i need to move on to the next one! yip! kahit sa au man lang. joken, layag!


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